We Are Different

Naz grew up in a large family. She was very skilled in human relations as well as many other things. She loved cooking and sewing. She was admired for her beauty and achievements. However, life was an incline, and of course it was going to throw her a curve ball, just like everything else. Would her skills and beauty be enough to get her out of the problems she would face?

She often received marriage proposals, but she didn't like anyone. She turned her nose up at the proposals, thinking, "I deserve better." She liked spending time with people like her. She did not want to be with anyone that was different from her. This was her biggest problem with her sister. She didn't like how she worked. She was slow and heavy-handed. From time to time Naz put her thoughts into words. But unknowingly she broke her sister's heart. Her sister Çiçek was a quiet girl since birth. Because of how slow she was she was always late for school. This problem continued till now. Naz always complained about her slowness and her short answers. Sometimes Çicek wouldn't even respond to her. She didn't speak because Naz did it for her. That's why she tried not to be in the same environment with her sister. According to her, the solution to all her problems was to run away. But can this be the solution to our problems?

Human beings feel close to those who are similar to them. They keep their distance from those who are different. However, when we can recognize our differences, problems in relationships start to decrease.

After some time, Naz came across a young man she liked. She liked his dignity, his good manners, the way he spoke. She didn't like men who talked too much. Their families agreed and they got engaged immediately. Even though some of Rıfat's behavior bothered her, she thought it would get better when they got married. While the marriage preparations were going on, the problems she saw were being covered; "Weddings are stressful, everyone goes through these processes before getting married, it is normal." However, things didn't turn out that way. These problems started to increase even more after marriage. Naz could not tolerate some of Rıfat's behavior. It was as if she was living with her sister. She had married someone just like her. She was trying not to be in the same environment with Çiçek, trying to stay away... Instead of finding a solution, she just ran away from her problems. But, it was not possible to stay away from her husband. How could they not be in the same environment? 

Every morning Rıfat woke up snoozing his alarm. It seemed to take him ten minutes to wash his face. Sitting down for breakfast seemed to take hours. Naz couldn't stand it and was pulling Rifat's chair herself. Even the way he was drinking his tea triggered her. Getting dressed, getting ready, leaving the house was overwhelming for Naz. She wanted everything to be quick and nicely done, but it just wasn't happening. Why were the people she lived with like this? She felt sad and even angry inside. "They always find me," she said. As time passed, this situation started to lead to arguments. There was always a restlessness in the house. Naz was an energetic person who loved being active and socializing. Her husband on the other hand, wanted to be at home, stay in his comfort zone as much as possible.

Because of Rıfat's job, they had to move to a city far away from their family. Naz immediately adapted to the environment wherever she went. She found new friends. But it was a difficult situation for Rıfat. It was as if he became even more withdrawn. He went to work, came from work, went to bed, got up and repeated. It was like he was a robot. Their disagreements started to escalate. One day Naz said she can't go on anymore and Rıfat agreed. The families were gathered, the decision was announced, they were getting a divorce. They both loved each other, but they could not accept their differences.

The Experiential Design Teaching says: "People have innate characteristics and are different from each other. The important thing is not to be the same, but to manage differences."

How beautiful and easy would life be if Naz and Rıfat knew their innate characteristics and accepted their differences? Would they have decided to divorce so easily then? In nature, an apple tree is not expected to produce pears and a pear tree is not expected to produce apples. Life was richer and more beautiful with differences.

When one does not know the other person's temperament, one expects them to behave like themselves. They can easy criticize, reject, get angry, resent, put a distance or ignore the person in front of them. Hence it is difficult to communicate and adapt to people without truly knowing them. One cannot steer a relationship when both parties do not harmonize. In order to be able to manage different people;

- One should be able to get out of oneself and first look at "How is the other person different from me?". 

- They should be able to see the positive qualities of the people around them and add that to themselves.

Because in order to improve our quality of life it is very valuable to know ourselves first and then the others around us. So instead of changing others or running away from our problems, we should start with the person in the mirror and ask the question:

 "Who am I?"

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Experiential Design Teaching enables us to make our lives easier with consistent, applicable, understandable and useful information. With this information, people learn how to communicate more effectively with their family, friends and customers.